Memories
by Dhrubowiz
Summary: Losing you is painful. A diary entry.


**Memories**

You listened to me when no one did. You helped me when I needed help. I was a hopeless lost girl -I still am without you- yet you showed me compassion. I took you for granted. I thought you nothing more than nothing. Yet I was everything for you. I responded you with harshness while you responded with love. Love? Did you love me? Or was it just a childish crush? I did not know.

I did not know you. I didn't need to know you. But you always knew me. More than I knew myself. Your eyes were always filled with hope, warmth, determination and... me. Why did you choose me? Was my pretty face all that kept you coming after me? I thought it was. But I was wrong. You are not like that. You can't be like that. Then why? I still don't know.

We never spoke. You always approached me with a smile while I shunned you with a cold shoulder. I never saw the pain of rejection in your eyes. Was it because you liked me so much? Or were you just pretending to be happy? I didn't know.

We first met in the park. I was by myself, making a snow castle. The winter gloves kept my hands warm while you approached me with naked palms. I looked at you, clothed as if it was summer. You smiled at me. I smiled back. You sat beside me and asked me if I needed your help. We played whole day till evening. Were you enjoying being with me as much as I did? I didn't know.

Three years later we met again in the academy. I had grown out of my puberty. We were 14. You seemed quite different. Shorter than me. I was slightly happy knowing I outclassed you in height. Childish competitive nature was hard to outgrow. I looked at your eyes and for the first time I blushed. I was too engulfed in your captivating stare. You smiled back. I was happy to see you. Then everything changed.

I was hopeless. I traded you for him. I shunned you away to be with him. Everyone hated you. I followed them. I didn't know how much you mean to me. I was a loser.

You still tried to talk to me. Grab my attention. Getting into needless arguments if a boy called me a bitch. You were hopeless. Hopelessly trying to earn a pathetic price. Was I just a trophy for you to be earned? I didn't know.

We were finally assigned our first genin teams. I hoped to be with Sasuke while you hoped to be with me. You won I lost. The pain of losing to Sakura was too much to bear and you were the perfect punching bag. I said horrible things to you that day when you asked to have lunch together. I didn't know any better. I was hopelessly in love with him.

I saw the sadness in your eyes. But I didn't care. You smiled at me the very next day. I was confused. Didn't I hurt you? Did you love me that much that it turned you blind? I didn't know.

Few months later, Sasuke left the village. I was devastated. I truly loved him. I had lost hope. Then you gave me hope. You promised me to bring him back. We shared our first closeness that day when I broke down in tears and you hugged me. You patted my head lightly. Your fingers felt so warm. It turned my cold sadness to sparks of joy. I didn't know the meaning of those feelings.

You always looked after me in missions. You cared about me more than I cared about myself. I grew close to you. I was beginning to see your true self... or so I thought. I didn't know you at all. You hid everything from me. Your sadness your secrets. Did you love me so much that you didn't want to burden me? I didn't know.

Finally the day came. The day I cried tears of joy.

You kept your promise. You brought him back to me. I was happy. The happiest person at that time. I visited him in the hospital. He wasn't too hurt. I was grateful that he was back. All thanks to you. I selfishly forgot about you as soon as I saw the sight of Sasuke. All our memories that we had were discarded to gain his attention.

Few weeks passed until Sasuke was discharged. During those week I didn't meet you. You didn't meet me. We were disconnected from each other. Did I miss you? I didn't. Weeks turned into months. I didn't see you. Realization hit me like a storm. You not visiting me was not normal. You would always be around me. But you were gone. Forever.

You left me without answers. I helplessly searched for you. But I couldn't find you.

Few years later, I learned the truth. I broke down in tears. The day I realized what you meant to me. I felt disgusted by myself. I wanted to rewind time. But I couldn't.

Why did you hide everything from me? Why did you bring him back for the cost of your life? Did you love me so much that it didn't matter? I didn't know.

I didnt know anything about you and I couldn't know anymore. It is too late. But I wish I could let you know how much you mean to me. I don't care how selfish I am. I will still say this. I love you, Naruto.

Please come back.

Ino.


End file.
